Renunciation

One of the more powerful statements of the Renunciation is the Begging bowl or alms bowl. It forms one of a set which monks use for formal meals. These  bowls are called oryoki in Japanese and this translates as the bowls that hold just enough. Monks receive these at ordination as one of what are called their requisites. It is part of a set of nesting bowls and are all tied up with cloths for spreading over the lap, one to lay out over the pure place on a tan for the bowls to sit on and an absorbent drying cloth. There is a small bag for the cutlery and also a stick for cleaning the bowl. The uncovered end is used for placing a small piece of food from the begging bowl on for the Hungry Ghosts. So what has this to do with renunciation? Well, it is the cleansing of karma. The cleansing of karma looked at this way is renunciation. The willingness to look at our lives, now, today and see what it is we are clinging to.

The begging bowl on the one hand is what contains the food we eat which has been donated. That which has been given freely as alms to the service of the Buddha. To hold out our bowl monk or lay is to lay ourselves open to receiving the dharma. It shows our connection to the food that we need to sustain us so that we can do this work. Old Chinese monasteries had a direct route from the firewood which was used to heat the the food which was mostly if not all produced on their lands. All of you who have gardens and raised beds and grow some of your own produce will of course know that there is a deep connection with the cycle of growth this way. During formal meals in the zendo monks hold out their bowls and food is placed in it. They eat everything having first taken a small sample from the bowl and offered it to the Hungry Ghosts. At the end of the meal the washing up water is served and the bowls cleaned thoroughly and the water also offered to the Hungry Ghosts. The bowl is then dried using the drying cloth. This is the formality of the actions and of course the formality includes with in it the spiritual purpose.

The bowl is the body and the food the dharma that we ingest. The cleaning is the cleaning of karmic residue which is then returned from whence it came. The careful attendance to the cleaning shows that we need to be equally meticulous and careful over observing karma. The cleaning of the bowl is also similar to this in that if we over think or are too mindful in a self-conscious way it gets in the way. We fall over ourselves because to much of us is involved. When cleaning the bowl is more about us cleaning and thinking about what it all means and trying to do it properly it is usually a sign that we are more important than the doing of it. I’m sure we can get out of the way completely here, we are involved and we are taking care. It is good to reflect on merit here and that the doing and cleaning are universal and not so specific to us doing it. It isn’t to do with not thinking. It would be hard to do any of this without engaging the thought process it is just a different type of thinking that is involved. Someone many years ago told me about their experience cutting an onion. Their perspective was that no thinking was involved and that it was a pure action, in other words it just flowed and that there was no intermediary. I found that difficult to concur with then and still do. Let us not be afraid of thinking. One is thinking when picking up the knife, when peeling off the skin of the onion and also discarding the waste. On another occasion, which may shed some light on this, I was on a two-month retreat in a hut. It was breakfast time and I was preparing something to eat. I became aware that yes much of this was routine and very little analytical was involved. It was very much as the previous person was saying but also I became acutely aware that I could trace each movement. The salt, the oats, the pan etc. were where they always were, I didn’t have to figure out where they were and yet I was conscious of picking it up and adding to the pan etc. These are thoughts yet they don’t get in the way of the flow. In sitting as we all are aware there are thoughts, they come and go. They don’t get in the way unless we interact with them. When the thoughts become aspects of why, what and me then they can become more troublesome.

I said earlier that the eating and cleaning are done in the service of the Buddha and in this it encompasses everything. So thinking is in the service of the Buddha if kept to that which isn’t just I. Quite often I’m not aware that I am musing on something. One door opening and closing on itself like those swing doors you see in Cowboy movies. Or like a soup that is simmering and slowly and gently softening the ingredients and absorbing the herbs and seasonings to make a combined flavour that becomes digestible. We must all have experienced going on a walk or sitting in an armchair and some thought arises but we haven’t really been in control of the process i.e. thinking it through. Nevertheless we can move forward in a way that can be surprising. It is as if we wouldn’t have got there by actively thinking it through to a conclusion.

All of this is a part of renunciation. The bowl is filled we silently and carefully eat, it is digested and a transformation takes place beyond our conception. Nothing is rejected all is taken in. Rich, plain, sweet, sour. The dharma also in all its combinations and flavours. The begging bowl that is our lives also doesn’t discriminate. Here we live by simply knowing that each moment is full. We can live in repose by looking deeply into that which wants to add and fill up from a well that is outside of ourselves. Renunciation is possible because there is no hole to fill. We re-join that which is replete. To renounce is to express fearlessness as our lives unfold. We can see through the limits we have imposed on our potential. To judge ourselves and our efforts is to claw back that which has dissolved in the renouncing. This we all can do here, now, today. Whether we have grown our hair or not we can all gently and confidently turn towards that which is facing us. Only we can do that for ourselves, and in doing so do it for all living beings.

We need to find what this life is and express it fully. All sorts of memories and judgements may arise which can sow seeds which turn into great doubts. Just look at the arising and let it be. There is a frightened self there that will always be hanging on and trying to grab it all back. Leave it alone and the grip will loosen over time.

To follow the ways of the Buddhas and ancestors is to learn how to listen and follow. Just watch when it all tightens up and we cling to a known form or way of being and responding, and can’t hear the teaching of the moment. Eating swallowing and digesting is teaching us this in a very ordinary way so it is with our other everyday situations. Whilst our pain can be unique to us in some way we can only fully experience it if we know it isn’t only ours and that it is a shared experience, a common experience of being alive. If compassion is to be compassion then suffering isn’t owned like that. Look around on any given day at any given moment and you will not be far from a mirror which is showing us the way.

The Buddha showed that there is an end to suffering and that the end was expressed through a thorough understanding of the eightfold path. The activity of our lives is the expression of this. The eightfold path like the Precepts shows that how we live expresses to the world that there is a way to renounce that which binds us. To give to this is to free ourselves in the way of the buddhas and ancestors.

So when you next eat or drink maybe bare in mind that one of the beauties of buddhist symbolism is that they are there right in front of us on an actual material basis. These are not empty symbols but ways of living it. What it expresses and its expression are not separated.

I have recently been attempting to express something of the teaching in ways that are in the form of fiction. As a way of putting these experiences and insights into an everyday context. It is from the point of view of someone who has overtime found ways to renounce but how this is, is at this point in the story kept open. So as way of an experiment and because it seemed to fit I would like to share a couple of paragraphs of a longer unfinished piece. It is work in progress so please bare that in mind but then so is any dharma talk.

This talk was given after the Renunciation Festival January 2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

The birds of sadness

‘You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair’

Chinese proverb

It is also said, that we are all subject to the laws of karma and yet a wise person is not enslaved by them.

We can’t prevent the birds of suffering. Those forces that can make us doubt, get anxious, fear and the other emotions and sensations that can arise and are familiar with. If you like, this is the first noble truth, that suffering exists. If we give these birds more than their due, by enticing them with seed, they can alight and nest. By getting involved in their patterns of flight and worry about them circling our heads and getting anxious about what it is they might do to us we help create the very conditions that enables this. By entangling ourselves in the machinations of others we join forces with them and become enablers.

So why is it hard to recognise when it is happening. You would think Mara’s armies would be easy to spot and repel. I suppose because it taps into that element of us that is intrinsically linked with who we think we are. Mara can be very subtle, and here let me just make the point that Mara isn’t a person but, if you like, the result of conditioning. It was the Buddha’s unstill mind, all those unresolved karmic threads coming to the surface. It is partly Mara that got us to the cushion. When we can’t untangle our conditioning which has maybe led to unhelpful ways of being from a deeper truth or way of being it leads to muddling up letting go and holding on.

The Buddha’s Enlightenment was him not getting stuck in the first noble truth. He was able to see through suffering, by accepting it first as a basic truth but essentially going on, and on, until he was able to experience what was beyond it.

‘Onward he passed

Exceeding sorrowful, seeing how men

Fear so to die they are afraid to fear,

Lust so to live they dare not love their life,

But plague it with fierce penances, belike

To please the Gods who grudge pleasure to man;’

Edwin Arnold The Light of Asia

He saw that if we stay in the extremes of life it will just repeat itself and there is no way out and the very thing that we are seeking will remain elusive. It is not a balance between suffering and joy. The middle way is not a happy medium. It, instead, suggests the state of natural balance which we experience when making effort, without an intentional aim. A better word would be harmony.

From the Enlightenment Festival Offertory;

“It takes a master of tonal appreciation to combine musical instruments in harmony in such a way that they produce the six tones of the sun and the six tones of shadow; in the same way a master like Shakyamuni, skilled in producing harmony among men, is needed to produce the magnificent sound of the Dharma.”

Harmony is an acceptance of everything first and foremost. Accepting rather than balancing off one thing with another. It is not putting our opinions and views on the scales and quantifying the result.

Mara’s armies are said to assail the Buddha with many distractions in a constant barrage. These appear as separate individual objects whether of mind or body which he has to deal with on an individual basis. But look at this from Bendowa by Dogen

When we let go, it has already filled the hands; how could it be defined as one or many? When we speak, it fills the mouth; it has no restriction in any direction. When buddhas are constantly dwelling in and maintaining this state, they do not leave recognitions and perceptions in separate aspects [of reality]; and when living beings are eternally functioning in this state, aspects [of reality] do not appear to them in separate recognitions and perceptions.” (1)

 Letting go, is all encompassing, it doesn’t pick and choose, completely filling all. So, everything needs attending to. In the way that Dogen speaks, yes, all is dealt with at once. In practice certain things, elements surface at different times. It is not that we concentrate necessarily on the one thing, but it does come into focus. Even the areas of our life that we are still not aware of are sorted on some level at the same time. Not everything arises at the same time but the process still takes care because it is all encompassing. The Mountain still state allows Mara’s arrows turn to flowers as they pass through us. When we turn towards the arrows we can see them for the flowers they are. We need to be willing to turn otherwise it can stay on our shoulder and be in the shadows. If we don’t turn towards that which causes suffering it will continue to ferment and stew creating more suffering. Suffering arises in the mind ferments in the mind and develops in the mind. We therefore learn that to turn towards that which appears is to see through it and not give it the chance to grow.

The world can sometimes rarely be to our liking. For very good reason, of course, at times. The behaviour of others can oft times test our patience, peace of mind and good sense. This leads us to wanting to do something about it, and indeed we have to. Who doesn’t want a safe environment to bring up a child, a work place that is safe or government that is fair to all. These things we may need to attend to on a personal level. Yet we can in the process unwittingly set up further suffering for ourselves and others. If we only concentrate on the result without looking at the process we get lost. Harking back to Dogens words “When we let go, it has already filled our hands” the process we can see and already know is all encompassing as an activity. To take greed as an example and we sense or see our wanting something (beyond what is needed), as grasping we don’t need to approach it as a problem that has a solution in the particular. It might come into our view in the particular yet we approach from the just dropping it as it arises aspect. Just dropping in the arising is more direct than trying to see what the answer is.

                     To sit still and not wonder why, how, who or when, is zazen. This is practising nothing in particular and yet is everything. It is not about fixing the problem or even fixing ourselves. It is not for us to fix the dharma. The dharma arises and we just look. The looking is transformative. It is tempting to analyse this into seeing, but that isn’t quite the way. By just looking we are in front of a mirror which just reflects. The mirror doesn’t decide what it shows. When we just look at anything what we see is ourselves looking back. When we just look it seems that we are looking with all of ourselves. Resting our eyes on what is there helps us to take it in through all our senses and just let it sit there.       In my experience this aids the transformation because we aren’t reading it in the way it might usually happen. It is not just looking at things either it is also true of events and occasions. Sometimes something happens and a question may arise in our mind, maybe one of distrust on some level. Does it help to dismember the thought and break it down so that we see if we are right to distrust. It seems to me that there is more going on than greets the eye. Is the distrust my thing which I have overlaid on the object, the event. Is there prejudice of some kind overlaying it. We make our calls as to what to do, but I find more and more that I would rather live from trust than not. Not blind trust, but a base of trust. A base of trust to me is a level of faith which helps sustain a harmonious relationship. This means we can breathe slowly and deeply in the face of adverse conditions. To not get caught in the five forms of desire.

 The desire for sensual experience

The desire to hate and dislike

The desire to disengage through torpor or drowsiness

The desire to be restless and anxious

The desire to be sceptical and uncertain

All of these, Mara threw, or put before the Buddha, under the Bodhi Tree. When sitting we see things or have thoughts about our life. Sometimes troubling or overpowering. We can be knocked off our seat if not vigilant. At times these are seen clearly in the mirror wall. Seen as images of the drifting wandering world. They can appear to be true, after all it matches what we think we know. All we are seeing is our view reflected back at us. This is how the birds nest in our hair. To prevent them from nesting we don’t want to make them other or the enemy that we need to shew away. This won’t stop them coming back and in greater numbers. Allow the birds to be, embrace them for what they are. The flying above us is the natural arising of thoughts and emotions. There is no need to blame the birds for our unhappiness. They are showing something of great value. If we can accept the birds and let them fly free we are not enslaved to them and can live a free life. The Buddha’s first teaching after awakening was to the 5 rishis he knew before.

 “Afterwards passed he, said they, by the hills

Unto Benares, where he taught the Five,

Showing how birth and death should be destroyed,

And how man hath no fate except past deeds,

No Hell but what he makes, no Heaven too high

For those to reach whose passions sleep subdued.

This was the fifteenth day of Vaishya

Mid-afternoon, and that night was full moon.”

 The Light of Asia, Sir Edwin Arnold

 The Buddha showed the Way, all we have to do is follow.

 

  • (1) Bendowa, The Shobogenzo. Great Master Dogen

 Translated by Gudo Nishijima & Chodo Cross

 

 

 

                  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Zazen is good for nothing

Who ever we are we all face real life situations which can range from 1 – 100 on the scale of complexity and difficulty. This we know. So the question in this article is how do we approach real life situations with no expectations. Indeed is that an impossible task. Is it possible to work with these situations and have no expectation of an outcome that we would prefer? So low or lowish on the scale would be ordering online our groceries and not getting an ingredient or product that we would very much like or feel we need. This is soon dealt with and let go of course. A mild irritation turns to acceptance. Higher on the scale would be maybe going into hospital for an operation and it going wrong. We possibly have an expectation that the expert should be beyond this. Somebody I knew went into hospital and had a leg amputated wrongly. They dealt with this with such brightness and love that it turned my heart around and made me look at myself as a result. To grieve over someone’s death is different to feeling aggrieved that they have died, because we ourselves find death hard to deal with or accept.

So what is expectation?

I once asked the Head of the Order, as a young monk, the question, ‘what is a monk’ and the answer came back ‘a monk is to be nothing’.

What is ‘nothing’ in this context. What is it to expect ‘nothing’.

Zazen isn’t a linear line of progression. It is all in, completely, all the time. This means that there is no resting place. It is constantly active when we let go of this body and mind. To expect nothing is to expect no particular result as a consequence of sitting. If we just sit, ‘with no particular thought’, we aren’t sitting on our own shoulders and observing ourselves sitting.

To sit completely is to sit afresh each time. This is how we come to see that each time we sit a new person is sitting, and not just the person we thought was sitting previously. This way there is no adding on to. Just not a building on to a previous perceived self. So to be nothing is to not construct a self which is independent to the universe. What I mean by this is that we see ourselves sitting apart from everything. This leads to a me that sits which wants something, that has expectations of success. To have expectations of success separates us off and also leads to a thought process that believes it has some control over outcomes. To seek nothing, to know nothing and also to want nothing is zazen. So zazen in daily life is action, in the sense that we may have to do something that not only affects us but also others. How can we do this without expectation that it goes the way we hope or want and as well feel bad when it doesn’t. Maybe more precisely what is it that comes from nothing and returns to nothing.

A concrete example maybe with ageing parents.

There may be a strong desire to take over because we can see the problems and feeling maybe more clear eyed set about instigating a solution. We have good intent, we mean well and want the best. We may also be confronted by our own fears of getting old and sick, and this informs our decision making, although we can’t quite see it. Intention is worth looking at here. Sawaki Roshi said that “in Mahayana Buddhism if the result is bad there is no pardon for the act even if the intention was good., there’s no room for carelessness.”(a)  Meaning that in this Mahayana is a matter of life being the essential matter.

So not only do we want the best outcome for our parent we also want to ease our own fears and worries. There is expectation of an outcome. They are cared for and we are soothed. We take over in other words. Of course this is understandable. We can find it hard to see through another pair of eyes. To see from outside ourselves. If we can release this control we find that the stress that comes from control flows away. We trust that others are as capable to make decisions on their own behalf and we become a team rather than taking it all on ourselves. We can help by organising the medication but can’t force them to take it. We can facilitate food shopping but can’t force anyone to eat. We can see that there is help during the day, if needed. but can’t control whether they accept it or not. This is cutting the roots of karma. To let go of expectation is to move closer to who or what we really are and allows us to live a life that is both compassionate and wise. To see that universal compassion exists and wisdom is inherent comes from not building and adding to the world unnecessarily.

The Buddha talked of who owns the insult if we don’t accept it. We may wish to trade blows to clear the air etc. but to just leave it alone is to not add. Why compound suffering.

As a monk one is open to being insulted or harangued. I have always found generally that to not react and let it be is the best way for both parties. To show that you are being got at by a blinded buddha expresses misdirected goodness. Greed anger and delusion are not separate to Buddha nature just misunderstood and misused.

If zazen is good for nothing it means that we don’t become something but maybe become less of something. The something that harmonises with prevailing conditions.

 

Notes;

  • Uchiyama – From the Zen Kitchen to Enlightenment – Refining Your Life

Weatherhill 1983

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is openess?

Openness. What do we really mean by being open or openness. Is it something that is ok for a particular type of experience and not for another, for example how does fight or flight work here. Or, do we need to take care as it mighjt leave ourselves and others vulnerable. We may choose to take flight and turn away, leaving us unwilling or (to our mind) unable to face whatever difficulty we see before us. To close off in this way can be very understandable of course. The world does present us with many unsightly formations and displays. When I say the world of course what I’m getting at is the mind that constructs the world we see. We can’t just wish things away so that we don’t have to confront them. It can also take different forms like memory and projection.

What are the effects of closing off and can we be to open to what is shown to us. Also what tools do we have to be open.

The key appears to be the basic teaching of not holding on and not pushing away. How do we penetrate this statement. So if holding on is fight and pushing away is flight what is the position best suited to go deeper into our lives and intuitively awaken to our true nature. Our true nature is not to be found in the opposites. When life confronts us in the many ways that can be challenging it can be difficult to open up, to open ourselves to the many faceted responses available.

We can often, for example, react by falling into old comfortable habits that trundle along well worn rutted tracks. These can give the impression of safety, but then soon starts to crumble. If our tendency is to be one of the three monkeys with hand over eyes, mouth or ears, that is the position we will adopt. We can close off even before we have seen clearly what it is that confronts us.

Something is triggered a response comes forth and before we know it we are spiralling downwards. This position is exacerbated by our knowledge that we are now in a place we recognize and despite all the signs to the contrary we settle. We have been here many times before. We don’t like it there and it is painful but what is the option. To be open at this point seems the worse option because it is the unknown. There are no obvious sign posts with which we can orientate ourselves. When we are walking or driving somewhere new we are at our most attentive trying to find our bearings, if it is a known route we do everyday we are more relaxed and safe and maybe see less, and are less aware. There are holes in any analogy, but I hope you take my point. If the spiritual life is a choice we will find ourselves bouncing between two points and never really finding any peace. It is exhausting.

As we carry on our meditation practice and come to know that place in the heart that is at peace, our life off the cushion or bench starts to find some equilibrium. It is no different to living from the heart. The heart that is love, compassion and wisdom. The heart that is open to all it encounters.

The contentment that doesn’t need to hold or push , is embraced and slowly and gently expressed. For example when someone comes to us and asks our advice or help what is the best place to be. Well it becomes apparent that it is the one I‘ve just described. If we can express not holding and pushing, a way forward appears.

To get out of the way and be open to the suffering of others and allow them to find their own way forward is a gift to the world.

To show the potential of another position can be very helpful.

So openness here is to accept where someone else is and not push to a place which makes us comfortable. What I mean by that is someone else’s fear or anxiety can drive us to move it all around so that we feel ok rather than helping the other see their fear more clearly. i.e. I’m hurting because of what you are doing, let’s make it better for me. In other words by doing nothing we do everything.

Now this is not to say that the process of becoming open isn’t full of bittersweet moments. To lose something or someone from our lives can be difficult to accept, of course it can, there is a grieving process, it can be hard to accept. So letting go isn’t necessarily a simple case of there it goes. It can be a wrench. Also it goes on for quite a time, getting refined. As it has less of an impact we get lighter and spread that in the world around us.

But what is going on here. The bittersweet is the perceived loss and acceptance of loss. We didn’t want it or ask for it yet our pain continues beyond this when we can’t accept its going. Through deep letting go, a part of ourselves, the old me can transform. As this happens it can be very confusing and we might still muddle up the old me with the emerging me.

Early in my monkhood, there was a period when a few monks were leaving, seniors and novices. I was puzzled why I didn’t miss anyone or regret their going, that is beyond the obvious lack of their presence. I felt no great sense of loss. In turn this feeling or lack of it  can lead to a sense of guilt or selfishness.  I asked about this in Spiritual Direction one morning, and the answer came back, ‘Don’t make clouds in a clear sky’. In other words if it isn’t there don’t create it to assuage your sense or feelings of inadequacy. Just keep going.

Do we have to define ourselves through relationship, whether through people or any other thing in the world that is around us. Are we looking for a wholeness which we don’t feel we can find any other way. It appears we can have this relationship if we are open to the notion that we don’t need to be attached to it. We can be close and full of warmth but also let it breathe. The grief of loss appears because something of ourselves died also due to our attachment. We then realise that we may be seeing the relationship mostly from our end.

There does come a time when this starts to dissolve. Without acceptance of loss we grasp on and haul it back. It means too much to us to lose, when push comes to shove.. But from all we have realised through training this doesn’t sound right.  We have to be open to losing everything.

What are we missing. We need to engage with an openness that is accepting that there may be more than we can see at the moment.

When we are prepared to be courageous and let it through we can experience the bitter taste of loss but yet we also know of the sweetness of transformation. We feel loss, a sense of loss, of missing something dear to us.

Feelings are the reaper of karma. Yet feelings come and go, when we don’t cling to a feeling we have a chance of releasing it.

What is left afterwards you may ask, well we have a deeper sense of knowing that this is just how everything is, silent, empty and full. Nothing missing.

The not holding and not pushing away is that place which is not defined but palpably exists, the place of truly letting go, of openness.

 

 

 

Know Thyself

Know Thyself”

A couple of things have arisen for me during lockdown which I wanted to share.

Because there can be a lot of confusion around terminology, I’m not sure how to refer to them. Insights? Realisations? The phrase that fits best for me right now is ‘direct seeing’, where the effect is that of a pair of curtains being pulled apart, allowing sight of something directly and clearly, without impediment. Then the curtains are drawn closed and I’m surrounded by the trappings of normal life again – here’s the chair I’ve just sat down on, here’s the cup of tea, still in my hand.

What I ‘saw’ into was a great fear that I have carried with me all my life. I say ‘saw’ but it felt more like a whole body experience where everything in an instant aligned itself and there was no separation between any aspects of my mind and body. In that moment, my whole life made sense – patterns of behaviour, why things turned out the way they did; how the fear can remain dormant as an underlying condition, informing or determining every decision. (None of this came from the intellect – I’m just using my intellect now to try to describe as closely as I can, my experience).

I felt filled with immense gratitude and relief. As if a deep acknowledgement had taken place. A deep part of me spoke out and told me something about myself. And was heard.

My second instance was again over a cup of tea. I had been ruminating over some slight when suddenly the curtains parted and I ‘saw’ my mind at work: the behaviour I was engaged in at that moment, switched off fear. It was a mechanism at work.

I felt humbled to have seen my mind doing what it thinks is its job. Protecting me. My mind isn’t my enemy after all. I don’t have to keep fighting myself.

I believe that as a result of my particular experience of lockdown, conditions arose that brought about opportunities to ‘see’: enforced isolation plus regular Zoom opportunities to meditate in a formal setting gave me the relaxation and quiet space for shifts to happen.

How has my life changed? I think it is too soon to say much. The consequences need to be lived out and that takes time. I have direct experience of how my mind works in certain circumstances, and knowledge is power. Some things that previously would have upset me no longer seem to: yesterday, a man shouted at me when I pointed out that he and his family were pushing their bikes the wrong way along a one-way (social distancing) pavement. It left no mark on me.

There is more to see.

Anon

 

 

 

 

Teaching from a global pandemic

Teaching from a global pandemic

The global Covid-19 Pandemic, seemed to come from out of the blue, and has created a tidal wave of ceaseless change and deep uncertainty. Many people have, are and will suffer because of the multitude of impacts it has caused, and many around the world have caught the disease and died. Reflecting on what I have learnt from the arising of this situation, I notice how firstly, although this situation is new it is also not new at all. This points to how, I have clung to ideas of permanence and solidity, and while I have had an intellectual understanding about the nature of impermanence and endless change, as well as some experiential understanding of this within my own life, I have still managed to hold on to deluded ideas of permanence. The depth of clinging, resisting and pushing away has been revealed in its rawest form to me. We move through life with many assumptions, such as that tomorrow will be much the same as today, and these assumptions filter into the minutest of details of our lives. We do this to give ourselves some sort of comfort and sense of security, but when suddenly faced with a different reality, we can struggle to deal with the shock and this is because we’ve been pulling the wool over our own eyes all along.

When were we not at risk of disease or death? When was constant change not happening on all levels both within us and within the world? For me, the pandemic brought to the surface deep fears of my own death, and leaving my children behind while they are still dependent on me. I feared my elderly father would catch the virus and die. I feared for the future of my studies and research and that these may have to come to an end as the research trial I am working on was suspended. Certain relationships where there are unresolved long term issues came to mind, in the face of a more imminent ending, how did I want to leave all of this? Have I done enough to ‘clean things up’ within myself and within my life? A voice inside said, “I’m not ready”, but we don’t have control over many of these things, when we or others die, or the events in the wider world. Fear arises particularly in situations where our false sense of having some control is shattered and the current situation has shown me where I have been allowing myself to believe I have some control and how this temporarily alleviates the discomfort of the true reality of things.

All of this has showed me, starkly, exactly where I am clinging, where I am invested in things too heavily or in unhelpful ways. The lockdown situation dramatically changed my living situation, with my older daughter returning home from university, my younger daughter home schooling and myself and my husband both working from home. The pressures and tensions that arose from this situation, also showed me where, until now, I have been pushing away and clinging on in certain ways, for example by avoiding certain things I don’t really want to face up to and distracting myself from these with seemingly harmless forms, but distracting myself nonetheless and again not facing things exactly as they are.

As we emerged from lockdown, we were faced with and still are faced with, more and more subtle choices. We hear multiple voices and opinions on what we should or can do. But we are left with the ultimate choice, we hold the wheel for ourselves over what is good to do. I realise on a deep level, that I do not trust myself enough, and at times when I feel something is right, I doubt myself. I also blame myself for many things, and I have seen that this doubt and blame has been an insidious and damaging force, causing suffering to myself and others as it has influenced my actions and behaviours, probably throughout most of my life. As I continue to train, I know I need to be vigilant in watching out for this within myself, and each time to put it down, at the same time without judging it and to trust that within myself that is true.

The urgency of our current situation, and the undeniable effect of change and uncertainty, draw me nearer to the fact that we do not have time to waste with ‘this and that’. We will die, and when I die, I want to know in my heart that I have trained to the best of my ability, with the tools I have been given in this body, in this lifetime, to clean up my own karma. I have always taken training seriously, and my wish to train is a deep and sincere wish. However, I have at times let myself off the hook too easily and I feel now that I must also work hard on this, not to push myself beyond my limits, but to remember that each moment counts, and there is no time to lose because in each moment, we are dying. In the Buddha’s final teaching he told us “Practice the good teachings with a diligent heart for there is no time to lose… do not doze off and let your eyes close lest you allow your whole life to pass in vain without realization”.

I realise that it is not enough to know that the sun is behind the clouds, we need to keep blowing those clouds away. We need to be willing to be disturbed by the truth, and sit firmly grounded within the rough waves that batter our shores. Allow ourselves to feel the deep fear, see where it is rooted. What is it that is afraid of dying? What is it that sits with uncertainty and fears change? We need to keep asking these questions and continue to dissolve the self.

Finally, I also realise more acutely, the power of being part of the sangha and the deep refuge that we can take there. But also, that here there is also clinging. I have lived with a sense that Reading Buddhist Priory and Throssel Hole Abbey are permanent fixtures, will always be there to be relied upon. Having been unable to sit at the priory or visit Throssel for six months now, I realise too, that the reliance on these being there are also clinging. What will I do, if those things are no longer there in the future? I also realise more than ever that refuge in the sangha is not one way, it’s not lay people like me seeking refuge in the monastic community or local prior, but that we as lay people need to take the greatest of care of the pillars of the temple, our monks. My sense of gratitude for the lives and training of the monastic sangha is deeper than ever, without whose training, the teaching would not be passed to me, so that I may be able to realise the truth.

Holly Baker

A Talk by Rev. Seck Kim Seng

I read this out to the last Sunday Group before closing. I have carried a photocopy of this with me for many years and thought this was a good time to revisit it. Thank you to the OBC Journal for allowing me to share. I will just publish it complete.

During Rev. Seck Kim Seng’s visit to Shasta Abbey in 1974, he presented Rev. Roshi Jiyu – Kennett and the community with a beautiful Chinese calligraphy which he had lettered especially for us. What follows here is a slightly edited version of his explanation, originally appearing in the Journal of November 1974. – ed.

I would like to tell you directly and personally what I have written. These first four characters are your name, Zen Mission Society (the former name of the Order of Buddhist Contemplatives). When Hui – Neng wanted to speak, he said to all the people, “You are very learned men.” Next I have written that I am going back to Malaysia and am leaving this as a reminder of my visit. The following column is a sentence from the smaller Sukhavati – Vyuha. Anyone who comes to the Pure Land is a very holy man. I came to see you because I wanted to know if you were holy men as in the Pure Land.

The next two columns are from the Hui – Neng Sutra. Before he gave the speech, Hui – Neng said, “Everyone has the Buddha Nature. This Buddha Nature is the seed of enlightenment and is naturally pure. If you make good use of the Buddha Nature, you can reach Buddhahood directly.” This means that we can all, everyone, become Buddha. The idea that all men have the Buddha Nature like Buddha is very important. Our Buddha Nature is pure; when we simply make good use of our Buddha Nature, then we can reach Buddhahood very easily.

The next two columns are from the Pari Nirvana Sutra. Shakyamuni was asked by a disciple, “While you are alive, you are our teacher, but when you enter Nirvana, who will teach us?” Shakyamuni answered, “When I enter into Nirvana, the Precepts are your teacher.” The Precepts are like a rule fixed by Shayamuni. They allow us to do or not to do, and are our guide in learning mindfulness. Everyone must follow the Precepts as their teacher, everyone must study the Sutras. The disciple asked again, “Shakyamuni, when you are alive, we follow you; if you go there, we go with you; if you stay here, we stay with you. But after you enter Nirvana, where are we to stay?” Shakyamuni said, “Remember the Four Plain Beads (also called the Four Views), that is, 1) the body is impure (i.e. has no substance, its Real Substance being the Buddha Nature which appears in all things); 2) sensation results in suffering; 3) mind is impermanent; and 4) things have no nature of their own.” The first means, do not dwell on your body; stay in mindfulness. Those who think I love my body” assume that they own their body. Then everything they do is infected with greed and hate. If you understand that the body is impure, then there is nothing for you to love.

The second is that sensation is the cause of suffering. That is why, in the Hui-Neng Sutra, Hui-Neng says that two is not the Buddha’s teaching. The teaching of the Buddha is only one. You only receive sensation when you are attached to the body. This body is made up of six organs (eye, ear, nose, tongue, touch, perceptions), and six senses (consciousness of each sense). For instance, the quality of the ear is sound: the ear is the organ; the sense is you hearing or taking notice. Suppose the sound is there and my ear is here. If I do not pay attention, perhaps taking great interest in you, then although the sound comes to my ear, I do not hear – because the consciousness is not directed to the sound.

These six organs, six qualities, six senses make up eighteen realms. From the time you get up in the morning to when you go to bed, at any moment, you cannot do anything without these eighteen realms. Ordinary people make two judgements: good and bad. Suppose I overhear you speaking well of me; then I am happy. If you speak badly of me, I get angry. If I visit you and you welcome me, then I feel very good; but if I go to your house and you are rude to me, I do not feel liked. If you are kind to me, then in the future I will welcome you to my house. If you are rude to me, then I may be rude to you and will not welcome you. Thus these two things, good and bad, dominate ordinary people.

But the Buddha is like a mirror. Whether something is good or bad, all is one. If you are good, I know you are good, but I do not feel happy; if you are bad, I know you are bad, but I do not feel angry. That means that the Buddha is very pure in mind. The Buddha is free of these two reactions because to Him it is all the same. That is why in Buddhism you do not think in nterms of what you will receive. Instead, be like a mirror. Shakyamuni Buddha is our model of a pure mind. The Budda’s action is based on knowing the good and the bad without reacting blindly. Remember that after Shakyamuni Buddha enters Nirvana, the teaching is everywhere you are, and you will be happy.

The next column says that in Buddhism there are two types of trainees: Arhat and Bodhisattva. The Arhat studies the Four Noble Truths: suffering, its cause, the end, and the way of suffering. The cause of suffering is in the past; our present suffering is the result of the past. We know the suffering. We have suffering because we have a body, because we have come to be reborn. And why are we reborn? Because of our past actions. But if we know the cause, we can stop the result. That is why knowing the cause leads to no rebirth, or Arhat Nirvana. The Four Noble Truths teach you to be released from rebirth via the Eightfold Path: correct understanding, correct thought, correct speech, correct action, correct livelihood, correct effort, correct mindfulness and correct concentration. If you follow this path, you will stop rebirth and enter Arhat Nirvana, but not Boidhisattva Nirvana.

Nirvana is of three kinds: 1) Arhat, 2) Bodhisattva, 3) Buddha (complete). Now the Arhat meditates, taking care of his various duties, doing no evil to others. But he does not do good; simply not doing evil is not the same as doing good. If a thief no longer steals, you cannot say he is a good man, just that he is not a bad man. To be a good man, then you must have charity and generosity. An Arhat is neither good nor bad. If you want to know Buddha, you must do good, you must be charitable.

In order to do good, the Bodhisattva will follow the Six Paramitas: charity, love, morality, energy, meditation, wisdom. That means you go among people who are ill with the six kinds of sickness. You are like a doctor using the Six Paramitas to cure their illness:

Greed – charity (generosity)

Hatred – love

Desires (lying, stealing, etc.) – morality

Laziness – energy

Confusion – meditation

Ignorance – wisdom

Like a doctor, you benefit others and progress up the ten stages of a Bodhisattva. A Bodhisattva progresses in his training as a doctor does until he graduates. Arhatship is like grade school from which one progreesses to university (Bodhisattva) until one becomes Buddha.

The next column means I want all of you to become Bodhisattvas. For a Bodhisattva, the most important Paramita is generosity. There are three kinds of gifts: 1) money, 2) life, 3) teaching. Money is not so meritorious; life is more so; teaching is the greatest. You must give teaching to others by spreading the teaching of the Buddha every day. The Six Paramitas are our occupation and duty. To teach, to cook and wash are our daily tasks.

I speak in broken English but I want you to understand that it is from heart to heart. Tomorrow I go back to Malaysia. love you all and hope you will become Buddha.

Rev. Master Jiyu being ordained by Rev. Seck Kim Seng

 

Ceremonial descriptions and illustrations

If you struggle with some of the aspects of ceremonial here are a few photos with descriptions to hopefully help you.

Bowing:

Understanding bowing is key to going deeper into an appreciation and understanding of Buddhist practice. To fully bow is to truly let go of whatever we are holding on to.

Going clockwise from the top left we a picture of a seated bow. This is mostly used during the evening service ceremony where we recite Rules fo Meditation. Whether we are on a cushion, bench or chair the movement is the same by bending forward at the waist as far as we can and raising our hands, with palms up, after the ting of the signal gong.

Next we have what is called a monjin which is used mostly for the gratitude bows at the end of ceremonies. Turning towards the altar and putting our hands together in gassho bow from the waist as described in the previous picture.

Finally we have the full bow. This is where we kneel on the ground, if we can, bend forward and raise our hands. If we can’t do this it is fine to do a standing bow which is similar to the monjin but we raise the hands rather than stay in gassho.

Candle Offering:

We often offer a candle instead of incense here at the Priory. An offering of light is the offering up of the dharma of enlightenment in much the same way that the incense of the dharma spreads out and infuses all places and things.

You may wish to offer a candle before a meditation period or maybe offer merit privately on an altar. If you are a chaplain you will need to hand over the candle to the celebrant so that he can offer it. If so here is a handy guide to how to do this. To hand the candle to the celebrant have it in the palm of your hand so that it is easy for them to take it. This will help with fumbling, awkward manouvering and less likelihood of dropping it, see top two pictures. The bottom two pictures show how to offer the candle up. The right hand photo shows that when we hold it up it is not advisable to hold it to the forehead as your hair may singe or indeed catch fire. Then hold it out as you quietly say the Three Homages, which are Homage to the Buddha, Homage to the Dharma, Homage to the Sangha. Then place the candle on the altar. Pleaqse make sure that lit candles are placed safely so that that can’t be knocked off or set any materials , like the altar curtains, alight. Please extinguish if the candle is to be left unattended i.e. when leaving the room after the ceremony etc.

 

The arrows of Mara

Quote

I’d like to start with a short quote that I came across recently.

You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair.’

I’ve found this quote to be a way into this talk. We can do something about our troubles – they don’t have to take us over. When the Buddha was sitting under the tree, Mara’s armies attacked him quite fiercely, throwing everything at him. A long time ago, I remember, I thought of him sitting there, with almost a force field around him so that everything was deflected, but I was quite wrong- that’s not the way to deal with these things. It’s to let them through, not to push them away, not to hold them off, to not see them as enemies but to let everything just pass through you, and this is what the arrows did – they passed through and turned into flowers. That which we perceive as attacking us is converted.

As the Buddha got up after awakening, the first teaching he gave was the Four Noble Truths, and the first of those as we know, is that suffering exists. So we can’t prevent the birds of suffering, we can’t prevent the birds of sadness from flying over our heads. We, too, are subject to the laws of karma but the wise man isn’t bound by them, and in doing so, we join the birds in the sense that we don’t omit them. So we accept sadness, we acknowledge sadness, so when we sit and things arise for us we just let them arise. There’s no problem in the arising of sadness , this is natural, this is what is natural for us. To do something about it at that stage, to twist it, to turn it around is a false move. The Buddha realised this as he was sitting under the tree. To push back at Mara was a false move. The fact that things arise doesn’t mean that they will always arise. This is also key – how often do we think, ‘Well, nothing’s changed. This is never going to change, this is who I am, I’ve always got this trait,’ It won’t always arise. It continues to arise because we perpetuate it – we don’t even know we’re doing it sometimes. We reinforce behaviours, we believe something’s been banished and yet it still arises. It’s arising because we’re doing something with it, so it gathers strength and comes around again.

So when we sit, when the Buddha sat, he observed the settling of the mind. When we sit, the mind settles, and it’s not separate from the body, so we talk about mind-body. A lot of the trouble comes, a lot of the unsettledness of sitting is when we’re stuck in the mind and we’ve divorced it from the body. So, notice the settling of the body and mind when we sit, and see where the mind places itself, usually further down in the body. Sinking to the floor our thoughts find quiet. This activity then re-aligns itself from the head into the body. This is harmony – body and mind working together as one. When it’s all sinking, we are able to sit still. The Buddha was assailed on all sides; he had to sit very still. He sat, as Dogen said, in the mountain-still state, and when we do this we can see through the perceived reality of life. Those things we perceive to be true, we perceive them as ‘other’. We grasp onto these illusions , we form a character and a personality. We show a face to the world, and it plays out through us. Some of this we need to do, we do need to be active in the world. We do need to be a human being with everything that encompasses. And yet again, a wise man is not enslaved by it; these too, are not fixed things .

So, Mara was the Buddha’s restless mind; Well, Mara attacks us because there’s still something there to be attacked. So, when we sit and we’re troubled, it’s the unresolved karmic residue that comes to the surface. We deal with it by not doing anything with it. This is one of the big apparent paradoxes of practice. We are so attuned to having to do something about something we try to take over and do it. We don’t need to do it. This tempts us to believe that there is a reality in impermanance. We see it as real, tangible and give it permanance and yet like any other thing it just passes. So when we sit and see things or have thoughts about our life as in a mirror we see clearly, it seems. Yet these are images of the drifting wandering world.

So these thoughts appear to be just as things are, but they are just thoughts. Nevertheless we believe them because it is what we know and because we already know it we recognise it. So our view of the world is shown back to us and it’s possible to believe it. It’s the way we think so that is what is being shown to us. We therefore have trouble seeing through the images, thoughts and emotions which latch on to us and we act from that place. The trouble is everything is always moving. When the Buddha got up from under the Bodhi tree he picked up his bowl and started to wander forth the first people he came across were the five Rishis who he had practised ascetism with previously. The Rishis practised by pushing their bodies and minds to extreme limits as a way of transcending the limits of this earthly body. The Buddha parted from them as he had realised that this wasn’t the way to seek the end of suffering. Their bodies emaciated, twisted, burnt and skewered they asked him if he had found a better way to encounter the true spirit as they saw in him a change from the person they had last met and wondered what it is that he has seen and experienced. The Buddha having found the middle way just passed on. He knew that to stay in the extremes was only to allow suffering to arise again and again. When we stay in the opposites, in duality we are reinforcing old behaviours.

In 1879 Edwin Arnold published a long poem called the Light of Asia which describes the Buddha’s life. In it there is a section which I would like to quote which speaks on this.

Onward he passed

Exceeding sorrowful, seeing how men

Fear so to die they are afraid to fear,

Lust so to live they dare not love their life,

But plague it with fierce penances, belike

To please the Gods who grudge pleasure to man;”

So if we fear to die we live our lives in fear. If we fear to live we live in fear. If we lust to live we do not love our life. Our mind comes up with fierce penances and we beleaguer ourselves with them. We are constantly in the opposites. Harmony isn’t a case of balance. Finding ourselves falling on one side we don’t have to err on the other side to balance our lives out.

We need to fully live this life the best way we can. Feel the sensations and know the fears and rejoice in the breathing. If we give vent to anger, frustration and other emotions that cause hurt it is released only for it to return. The world is rarely to our liking and the behaviour of others can test our peace of mind and outside influences are readily blamed for our unhappiness and discontent. Karma if left unattended is unlikely to be converted. So when we allow ourselves to be feel threatened see that we are just introducing and continuing behaviours that are unhelpful for ourselves and others.

A recent topic of debate here at the Priory has been that of the use of the will. The question has arisen of me that I say that essentially in zazen we do nothing and that also there is the use of the will. I am asked ‘so how can we use the will if I don’t do anything?’Well if we don’t turn towards that which causes suffering it will continue to ferment and stew creating more suffering. So it bubbles away and stews and just creates more. Suffering arises in the mind, ferments in the mind and develops in the mind. This is all part of the use of the will here. We therefore learn that to turn towards that which appears is to have the chance to see through it and not give it a chance to grow. The mountain still state allows us to let the arrows of Mara’s bowmen to penetrate and go straight through. This is showing us yet again that we are not bound by karma although subject to its laws. As with fear we can allow ourselves to know it and let it pass through. We see it as an arrow and we know it is an arrow but as it has no substance and we are empty what is there to stop it passing through. This is the use of the will which is the turning towards what we need to see. We are willing to look so the will is the willing to look. It goes from being on our shoulder shadowing us and comes to the front. We might not be able to name it and we might not even recognise it yet we need to see it and then it can go. So we acknowledge and embrace the fear by enfolding it. If it stays on our shoulder faceless and threatening we can never turn enough to see it. Bring it to the front. When talking about the Paramitas Dogen commented that while practicing the six virtues and attempting to lose delusion there is the practice of nothing. He says that this is the practicing of the dharma. From this we can see that the turning towards is the practicing of nothing at all. The Buddha saw the Morning Star and the Morning Star was the just doing and in the just doing Mara receded.

Transcribed from a talk given after the Festival of the Buddha’s Enlightenment

Poem extract from The Light Asia Windhorse publications

A short piece on zazen

This short piece of writing is intended for those of you new to this practice.

I follow the practice of Soto Zen Buddhism. The twin pillars of this are meditation and the Precepts. The Precepts are the active aspect of practice. Meditation (zazen) is the bedrock from which everything flows. A good way into understanding this is the beginning of the Scripture of Great Wisdom, which goes,

‘When one with deepest wisdom of the heart, which is beyond discriminative thought’.

Zazen is the letting go, without judgement, of that which arises in our minds. Doing this regularly allows us to see a deeper truth to the one our minds generally conjure up. We see that when we follow these discriminatory thoughts they can drive us in ways that aren’t helpful, and form behavioural loops which are difficult to get out of. Meditation is a way to see through these repeating patterns and show that it is possible to have peace and contentment in our lives. We return to our spiritual home, a place which we had left but never quite forgot.